Disapponitment

The waves slammed onto the coast, 

I could feel myself floating, 

and at that moment, I wanted nothing more 

than to be able to fade away.

I’m taking a deep breath, 

but it doesn’t seem to fill the hole in my heart. 

I wonder whether it would disappear with death.

the voices got louder and louder, over the course of days 

“what are you expecting? pull out the trigger”, it said 

i shook my head, maybe I was trying to make the little me prouder, 

but if I were to pass away, what difference would it make?

all the days seemed to blur together.

i can’t seem to remember one.

i didn’t want to be here, but whatever 

as I fell into a deep slumber,

i dreamt of a place where nothing was somber.

in a far away land where i wasn’t a disgrace.

and just like a ship adrift at sea,

with no sign of land I yell for aid.

but no one is there; it’s just me.

I might give up on this battle now.

and with my newfound absence,

still, the waves would break.

nonetheless, the sun would rise.

only, i would disappear entirely.

I never imagined it would come to this; 

what a shame,

soon, I would just be a memory on some shelf.

maybe I had higher expectations?

But that doesn’t concern me any longer.

all i know is, I’m sitting here writing a letter

of how i’d vanish as if I had never appeared.