It was a gloomy August morning, heavily pouring, but my mind was like a garden in the sunshine. If you had asked me why, I would have told you it was because she was happy today. She greeted me with a good morning and a smiley face, even though it was morning for her and a crack of dawn for me. Ah! My dearest Milly, if only I could express how beautiful and lively she is! She adds colour to my boring life. Being in Germany, away from her, taught me one important lesson: Life without her, even in my dream country, is duller than the grey skies of the monsoon. We have known each other for two years, we were an imperfectly perfect high school couple. She was that “therapist friend” to everyone who knew her, but she had no one to listen to her. That’s when I entered her life, a “back-bencher” and “nobody” who was terrified of girls. At first, I wanted to be just friends with her
because she seemed warm and kind enough. But as we started talking, the minutes turned into hours and texts became late-night calls. While talking to her for a week, I realised that she would listen to my problems and give solutions to them, but she never shared her problems. Who was she? What’s her goal? I knew nothing! And so, I tried to be a better listener. Guess what? My Milly can talk. She can talk if you listen to her closely. She told me her likes and dislikes, her oldest friends and childhood, her close-knit family, and her bullies. At first, I was shocked; how can a girl like her have bullies? She is so amicable and so laid-back! Her only reply to that was, “Let bygones be bygones. They have probably forgotten me, and so have I.” But let me tell you, she hasn’t forgotten them to this date. She still cries every time she realises that if she stops being a “therapist” to her friends, they won’t be friends anymore. She still can’t trust anyone she befriends, let alone have any
expectations from them. To be honest, when she told me all this, I did take it personally. I mean, I am a great friend! I have a group of friends who are just like me—casual but loyal. But when I heard Milly cry over the phone, I realised how lucky I was to have friends who care for me and don’t use me just to heal themselves. She never got that feeling from anyone. She was taught that in this world, everything is transactional; if you give something, you’ll get something back. But in her case, all she did was give and give. To whom? To vampires who wasted her time and energy and left her when she was most vulnerable. “You have great friends, S; I wish I had at least one person to call my friend.” She once said, “Hey! But I am your friend!” I protestingly replied. “Nope, you are different.” She smiled. That’s when I knew that we weren’t “just friends.” Soon I confessed to her, and she, fortunately, felt the same way for me, and that’s when we started an actual relationship. Our dating life, while I was in Kolkata was great! We sometimes sneaked out to go for long walks
and sometimes went out taking permission from our parents. We went to the malls, and parks, where we picked up ice cream because she loved it. “What’s your favourite flavour?” She asked. “Um, you can guess it,” I replied. “Please tell me it’s cookies-n-cream!” She guessed with hope in her eyes. “Gosh! You got me! You read me like a book.” I replied. She was so happy, and from then on, the boy, who used to hate cookies-n-cream, now orders cookies-n-cream-flavoured ice cream just to remember his beloved Milly.
Now I wouldn’t say it was always sunny when we were together because we don’t live in a fairytale; we live in the real world. One such argument I remember was when I yelled at her on the phone. Now you must be wondering, ‘What a terrible guy he is; he yells at a girl, not just any girl, the girl he loves!’ Well, I detest myself for what I did back then. I want to beat up my past self, to be honest. But my Milly didn’t yell back. She just wept. She said, “I am so sorry to make you yell. All I want to know is whether you still love me, even when we are thousands of kilometres apart. You don’t text me often, let alone call me; it feels like only I am carrying this relationship forward. Is it too much for you to handle? Should we take a step back?” “No, we are not taking a step back. I didn’t mean to yell at you; it was a minor miscommunication between us. We can solve it. Okay?” I said it frantically because I didn’t want to lose her. It was difficult, but we healed together. I learned to put my ego and
self-doubt aside and show my love for her more openly. I had to bring out my emotions for her and learned how to be sad with her, but I hate to tell you that she lost all expectations from me after that incident.
S: Milly! What are you up to?
Milly: I am currently working on my assignments. What are you doing?
S: I am thinking about you right now. Do you want to talk tonight?
Milly: I can’t; I will be teaching my sister.
S: It has been days since we have talked! I miss you so much!
Milly: Now you miss me?
S: What do you mean, ‘now’? I always miss you!
Milly: When you are free, you miss me. But when you are on vacation in Munich with your friends,
you never look at your phone.
S: What are you saying? That was just a few days!
Milly: It was a whole week. I called, texted, and even emailed you. I thought you had ghosted me.
S: No, never! I would never do that. I love you!
Milly: Still?
S: Yes, very much. I always have and always will.
Milly: Then why am I not a priority to you when you mean a lot to me? Why do I find myself staring at the screen for hours and hours waiting for your single, dry “Hi’ text? You have done this yet again, and we have had this conversation before about how communication is important, but… never mind.
S: Sorry, Milly.
Milly: This might be your 50th ‘Sorry’ for this month. When will you be sorry and make amends? I am tired of being sad all the time. I see others showing off their lovers by making posts about them. I have witnessed paragraphs written by others for their loved ones. When will I get my paragraph? Or was my photo posted? I have drawn you so many times, written paragraphs for you, and proudly posted all of them. Don’t I deserve the same?
S: You know how I feel about social media; it’s such a fake place. I don’t like to show my love there.
Milly: Oh, sorry. It’s ok. Just don’t leave me on ‘seen’ okay?
S: Ok, bye; I love you.
Milly: ILY.
It was the auspicious day of Shasti when I reached Kolkata. I finally made Milly my priority and decided to surprise her this festive season. It had been a whole year since I left Kolkata, it had been months since we talked properly. All I wanted to do was see her. As soon as I reached home, I did not waste any time. I washed up, wore new clothes, and ran to catch an auto-rickshaw. After 30 minutes, I reached her home. My heart was pounding; I had even bought her favorite cookies-n-cream ice cream just to see her spring up in joy and hug me tightly. I rang the doorbell, and her mom opened the door. “Oh S! Oh my god! You were supposed to come to Kolkata today?! Milly didn’t tell me that!” She exclaimed. “I kept it a secret from her, Aunty. By the way, is she home?” I frantically looked here and there. “No, she is at the pandal; didn’t you notice her? She was making the Alpona!” No sooner did her mom say that than I dashed towards the elevator and ran straight to the pandal. There she was, with a paintbrush in her hand, wearing a beautiful red and white sari.
Seeing her gracefully paint made my eyes well up with joy, something I never expected I was
capable of. I cried, “Milly!” She looked up from the alpona she was making, dropped her paintbrush, and ran straight towards me. I was the happiest man that day, for I had my world in my arms.